K

Posts Tagged ‘marketing’

I choose beef. Not that I mind multiple partners!

In Dissecting Life on August 27, 2011 at 10:45 am

Religious advertising campaigns are an open secret. Each religion gives you a book of stories and you get to choose which one you’d like to believe. Or let’s say you get to decide which one of them qualifies as non-fiction in your head. While one gives you the opportunity to go to heaven, the other guarantees your rebirth. While one let’s you take an eye for an eye, the other compels you to forgive. Yet another ensures that what goes around comes around (So, sit back and have some popcorn.). While one guarantees you multiple partners in heaven (bang on target!), the other guarantees you freedom from all desires. While one says God is around you, the other says He is inside you. While one stops you from consuming alcohol, the other stops you from eating beef and yet another stops you from eating roots. You also get to choose whether you’d like to be buried, burnt or eaten by vultures, when you say your last sayonara. If you are an atheist, you have choices too! You get to rot in hell unless of course hell lies at the centre of the earth in which case you have no choice but to get roasted, or you get to be reborn as a pig and chewed by pork eaters.

Converting? Anyone?

The Five Large Scale Addictions

In Random on May 30, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Jeans:  Denims (or dungarees) were used as navy and prison uniforms in the 20th century until they caught the fancy of the youth. It is now an integral part of wardrobes, across generations. Aren’t we glad!

Chocolates: The seeds of Theobroma cacao have created a revolution of sorts. Chocolate continues to mollify women, lure kids, invade palettes and spark temptations. Its contribution to oral pleasure is commendable. The dessert menu is worthless without chocolate.

Mobile phones: They snap you out of sleep, they ring at the wrong places, they damage your brain, they make you impotent and you are probably on your way to suffering from TMI (Texting Message Injury) but you can’t get this device off you. Ask me the time and I’d rather consult a phone than a watch.

Television: From big boxes with tiny screens to large sleek Plasmas, LCDs and LEDs, they’ve come a long way. The journey from black n white to color to three dimensional (3D) to internet integrated televisions has only strengthened our addiction. If your house has a door, it is most likely it has a television.

Carbonated soft drinks: Gulping down carbon dioxide to eventually burp it out is quite a peculiar habit. Come to think of it, the drink neither elevates your mind nor visibly energizes you. It simply hooks you onto a tingle on the tongue. When soft drinks sell like hot cakes, you know life’s unfair!

I Refuse To Buy Your Product Bugger!

In Random on March 25, 2011 at 2:55 pm

After a mind-numbing day at work I always hope to listen to decent music on the radio. I keep flipping the channels and am greeted by RJs. Some sound furious, some sound excited, some sound unconcerned, some sound terribly bored and some try to get the accent right. If the RJs are not rambling, the channels are playing ads. I flip, flip, flip… It’s a long wait before I hear the sound of music.

After crawling through severe traffic, I hope to catch up on some entertaining shows on television; something funny or anything that has a substantial script or a sensible storyline. That’s hard to find alright! But when I do find it, I have to deal with the following pattern:

8:00-8:05 PM   Show
8:05-8:10 PM   Advertisements
8:10-8:15 PM   Show
8:15-8:20 PM   Advertisements
8:20-8:25 PM  Show
8:25-8:30 PM   Advertisements

Fifteen minutes of absolute nonsense infused in a thirty minute show (possibly nonsense) is like maneuvering my mind through unnecessary garbage.

I am expected to watch some pretty woman dance with a bar of soap or watch her facial polka dots disappear magically or watch a picture perfect guy spray aerosols accompanied by a “come to bed with me” look. Alright, I will watch it. Let me assure you I get the point the first time around. Do you really need me to watch it over and over and over again? It’s another story if you’ve come up with an intelligent ad, or a hilarious one or a simple, classy one or just an artistic one. I’d like to thank you for being kind to your viewers. But I’m sorry I can’t laugh at the same jokes or appreciate your work or be amused by your product thrice in a span of five minutes. Moreover, ads played back-to-back are very unpleasant. “Buy my product. I repeat, buy my product!”

If our government were to ban the products that mentioned hypothetical (and fancy) “active agents” present in it such as cooling crystals, hair root healing agents, whitening pearls, growth agents etc., it would spell doomsday for most brands. Researches probably watch this stuff and laugh their guts out -“Whitening pearls! Are you kidding me?”

We desperately need new generation televisions with algorithms that can tide over ads. Probably go mute when ads pop up or switch to another channel in a pre-saved list. Even truncate ads and append one part of the show to the other, if required. This way, advertisers will have to find other methods to bother us. Until then, I’ve decided that if an ad troubles me too often, I shall not purchase their product and services. It’s my way of saying- “I don’t give you the liberty to irritate me endlessly when I switch on the TV to entertain myself and de-stress. I shall ban your product in return.”