Posts Tagged ‘blabber’

Mind Chatter: The Voices in My Head

In Minds and Mindsets on May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Image by: Nevit Dilmen:: Image License 

I’m observing the tussle between several views originating from the same mind. They discuss what is liked, what can be liked, what cannot be liked, what is not liked. What I should be, what I shouldn’t be, what I could be, what I couldn’t be. What I got, what I didn’t get, what I didn’t get but someone else got. What I should say, what I shouldn’t, how I should react, how I can’t react, how I shouldn’t react. “Don’t react!”

I notice my mind struggling to generate an unambiguous performance report.  It assesses, was I rude, was I polite, should I have been ruder, should I have been more polite? Was I cunning, did the situation permit me to be cunning? Am I good, am I a good human being, what is a good human being? Was I good enough, am I good enough, am I better than the rest, am I the best? I want to be the best, do I really want to be the best, am I doing enough to be the best, do I have to be the best?

I watch my mind trying to build my identity. It investigates, do I like this, do I love this, do I like it ‘cause you like it or do you like it cause I like it? Do I like you? Does it matter? What do you think? What do I think? What do you think I think? What do you think she thinks? What do you think she thinks he thinks? Why is everybody thinking so much? I don’t care what you think! Or do I?



I don’t talk much. I plan to change that.

In Random on February 3, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I have always been the quiet one in class, in my group, at work, everywhere. I still am unless I am drunk or caught in a debate. I am the skinny creature who has to sit with the largest creature on the school bench, in the car, on the bike because nobody else fits. You will often find my miniature bum next to the heaviest bum in the room. So, if you think I am socially inept, it’s because there is no “room” for socializing.  

Coming back to the quiet bit, I’ve been working on my conversation skills off late. No. Actually, I’ve been working on my disinterest in conversations. You see, some of us love to talk endlessly about anything and everything random, abstract or meaningless “stuff”. But some of us don’t see the point in discussing that piece of information, thought, opinion or “stuff”. I belong to the latter category.

I’ve thankfully been flanked by very talkative personalities who, by virtue of their talkativeness, don’t expect sound emissions from my mouth. That allows me to be the spectator or the mysterious “wise one”.  I don’t mind that. At times, they can be very inquisitive but they are skilled at satisfying their own inquisitiveness. So they ask questions about themselves and answer it themselves or ask questions about you and switch topics before you can respond. And no, they are not rhetorical questions. The talkative folks are the “self entertainers” that I can only dream of being.

We silent folks, on the other hand, may seem socially incompetent but that’s not because we are incapable of talking. We don’t see why conversations with predictable outcomes need our intervention. Neither do we understand why people with short term memory ask questions when they are disinterested in the answer. We don’t know why we must narrate a 30 minute long chapter based on a two minute squabble we had with our partners. When asked what we like about a movie, we like being specific. We don’t like to recount and enact the entire story. We can’t fathom how a facebook status and the subsequent comments can be expressed as a significant event and explained in minute detail. We don’t twitter to be followed. We don’t get how your encounter with the hot neighbor gains entry into our conversation for the seventh time in a week. The basic difference is we don’t ask you what’s up because we don’t want to know what’s up and you don’t want to know what’s up with us either yet you ask, “What’s up?”

Anyway, I’ve decided to alter this domain of my life. I guess it’s good to be expressive and broadcast your opinion. It will only tell me how many of us are on the same page. If a social networking status can be made amusing then why not? If an argument can be replayed, if a movie can be re-dramatized, if a hot neighbor can be revisited, then why not do it? Not all conversations will be productive and why should they? I’ve come to the conclusion that a large part of our lives is made up of “kill time” conversations. Our silence through these doesn’t count as “productive”.